A conversation with Beau...

We are driving home from church last Wednesday when the Christmas song, "Noel" comes over the radio.
"Mom, why are they saying Nowhere, Nowhere??"
"Beau, they are saying Noel which means the first Christmas, Jesus' birthday."
"Oh. That must have been a sad Christmas."
"Why?"
"Well, I don't think they had Santa Claus and nobody got presents, so that must have been sad."
"Beau, the first Christmas was the greatest gift of all to every single person that was, is and ever will be. Jesus was born and when we believe in him and live for him; when we die, we get to go to Heaven. There is nothing better than God's gift to us of his son and our salvation."
Beau bursts into tears.
"But Mama! I want to stay on solid ground!!"
"What? Why are you crying Beau?"
"I don't want to die Mama. I will miss you too bad. I want to stay on solid ground."
I start crying.
"Oh Sweetheart. Please don't worry and be scared. The most wonderful thing about Heaven and our family is we will all be together forever! I will be there, with you."
"But if I go now Mama, I won't know anyone and I will miss you and my friends too much."
"Beau, Jesus is there and he along with so many of your Grandma's and Grandpa's and others that adore you will be right at the front gate to wrap you up in their arms. They will be so happy to see you!"
I'm bawling.
"But I don't know them!"
"Oh Darling. They know you and there is no fear, not even tears in Heaven. It is the best place to be. We are ready to go when God needs us there. Beau it will probably be a while until we go to Heaven. Mama and Daddy will be really old and tired, we will be ready to go! And then after you are married with children and they have children and you get old and tired it will be your time go. Please don't fret Baby. God promises we will all be together forever in Heaven and we should be so very thankful for Heaven."

He calmed down, we hugged tight. Lauren is wiping away our tears, saying "It's ok Beau! It's ok. Mommy says it's ok!" Oh my heart. I can't think on this without crying. My Mama told me she had an similar conversation with me at this same age. I told her I didn't want to die and go to Heaven because it would be dark and there would be no one to hold my hand.

I can't say that I am truly prepared to handle anything with this parenting thing, but a conversation on eternity with a four year old really got me. My heart hurt that he was scared. My heart and tears were joyful that I could share the promise and hope of salvation. My heart and tears Rejoice in the truth that in our family, we will ALL be together forever.

Last night I tucked in the babies. Kissed them goodnight. And when Beau quietly asked me to come lay down beside him so he could fall asleep, I put down the laundry and did. I held him tight and thanked God with all my heart that he entrusted me to be a Mama of His children for a short while.